I'M MOVING ON BECAUSE YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND

Listen. (God, I need to work on a flatter stomach).

So yeah lol one of my really good friends didn't text me today. Which is fine, since we don't speak every single day and we shouldn't either (I guess) since he has a girlfriend??

Idk lol.

I legit don't know what I'm doing or where my life is heading. 

But I think I want to tell people not to wait too long for texts back, create good stuff, talk about sunsets, starry nights, first kisses; be with creative people, act, write, stuff like that. 

A life full of surprises.

And lots of travelling. 

..

I was thinking if it's my friend making me feel down or my feelings for him and the answer would be my feelings for him.

He supports me all the time like a gentleman and makes me feel nice when we talk and I like taking to him! A lot.

But I shouldn't want to talk to him ALL the time!!

Or maybe I could just accept that, and then get over it and move on. Sounds more sensible than fighting what I feel. 

Idk lol. One thing's for sure. Like Meryl Streep and Carrie Fisher said; Imma take all the negativity, tragedy, confusion, loneliness, late text backs, weird feelings, unrequited crushes in my life and create art out of it. That actually does help. 

So, here goes. 

I saw his girlfriend and I have to tell you.

She is so beautiful. Like, her eyes look so happy and full of love when she is with him. Her eyes are literally smiling.

That is a beautiful couple. And no matter all those crazy thoughts I have at times about wanting to hear from him, I realise that seeing them happy makes me happier. 

And I'd be more than glad to be a good friend. That's it. That's my role and as I look at the happiness in their faces, I would want nothing more. 

I am looking at her and I see a girl with her own dreams, own problems and insecurities and how she must be dealing with it like I deal with mine. And she has his love and that must be making her so happy. 

And I am happy for her. I am. 

That girl looks like a gem and she loves him more than STUPID ME will ever know. 

Lol. Ok.

But I am not ashamed of what I feel. Her feelings are her feelings. Mine are mine. And I respect both equally. 

I don't think I have a crush on him though. I know that at times I think I do, but something in me tells me that I'm confusing love for a good friend with romantic love. 

Lol I gotta focus on my work. And where I belong in life. Let's move on. 

Xoxo

Insane Little Brunette.