WHY FEELING NUMB CAN BE DANGEROUS

Stop fooling around.

Like, just stop. STOP STOP STOP.

This is dangerous. I have noticed I am most myself when I am away from all the people here, writing on my blog. THAT'S when I am fired up. THAT'S when I am real.

And everytime I talk to people around me, it's like a huge wave of pain that comes crashing towards me but since I have been doing this so often, there is also a huge blanket of numbness which falls over me so that I don't feel the pain.

Listen carefully when I tell you.

The blanket of numbness is dangerous. Because it's going to cover up all the pain you're feeling. You will not feel anything.

People act....they are moved to make a change only when they feel pain. They know they have to transcend it. 

But the blanket of numbness? YES, it protects you, but it also tricks you into believing things are fine. 

Idk about you, but for me, NOTHING IS FINE. If I can't even walk in the streets without avoiding the faces of people; if I hang out alone 98% of the time; if entering into the library or the study hall starts an ache in my chest; if I close my eyes every single time I am in the elevator mentally blocking out all the mind-numbing YACK YACK YACK YACK around me, if I look up at the skies obsessively everytime I hear a flight; then there is something seriously, seriously wrong with me being in this place.

Ring those warning bells. Out loud. She doesn't belong here. 

Other people are happy because this is clearly where they are so content to belong. They live different lives and this life is beautiful to them, this place is beautiful to them. And all of that is amazing. No happier feeling than enjoying being in the present and I hope to feel that too one day.

But I am not one of them. So I need to get the hell away. Simple. 

You can't live a life avoiding people's faces LMAO. Change the place and go somewhere where the thought of being around people excites you. That place exists. I will believe and I'll just keep on and on believing.

Run, little girl, run.

Xoxo

The Insane Little Brunette.